EVERYTHINGS A MESS

Had to admit that things right now for me are getting difficult, So difficult that I'm starting to live on getting any scraps I could get my hands on. Anyway its no surprise for me on this difficult situation given that I will be spending my 4th month here in the Philippines, and by logical thinking any supplies that I had stored before I arrived here have already been exhausted. Come to think of it my supplies actually would go as far as for this month if I haven't gave more than half of my saving on shouldering expenses at the house, A terrible mistake that I'm learning now  because I should have at least left half of my savings to myself. Some people say that being selfless is not that bad , but apparently in reality it’s a lot more complicated and it was a bad idea for me to contribute as it dragged me down to being helpless,. (the third time for me to happen)

 

For the moment , there is no news yet on when will I be sent overseas and my phone line for the office has been silent for months now - it is not determine yet if my company has any plans at all, which makes matters worse for me and I'm starting to think that it's about time I do something on this grinding halt. My latest visit on my company didn’t yield any significant results and only determined that I don’t need to go to another Medical exam after three months , and that validity

 

I had already planned out on what I'm going to do and all that needs now is a little money for me to reorganize and be back on track and get a local land based job.  For now given with the lack of funding , I'm stuck on doing part of my plan that doesn't involve anything with money like updating my resume (which I haven't done since 2012) and the like. 

 

This is the layout of what I will be doing within the next couple of days to few months (depends on the funding available and what I can find ).

 

PHASE A. "ReOrganize"

 

*Recover My Seaman's book (have to go to my company and "borrow" it)

*Update my Resume  (I have some old file on my computer)

*Print Resume  (just go to any nearby computer shop to print a few copies)

*Update my Chest X-Ray (I'd probably get these in a private medical Clinic)

*Update and get a NBI Clearance ( Apparently there's a new method so I heard)

*(Optional) get picture ID's , both 1x1 and 2x2 in civilian attire.

 

PHASE B. "ACTUAL"

 

*Search for a possible BPO company suited for me,

(this is a long process actually , The criteria for me will be that it should have facilities that are open and free to use and the companies location)

*Look for work there on the company

*Survive till I get the paycheck.

 

Sounds fairly simple if I have the funding, but of course it gets complicated since I don’t have it. Hopefully this will keep me occupied until things on the house would stabilize.

 

In other news…

 

Internal situations inside the house have been hard and it is embarrassing for me to write and admit that I'm already experiencing hunger and famine. In fact while writing this I have only ate once in a day (and the same goes for yesterday) due to the lack of available food around. Its seems sadly that mom's sickness has already took its toll and dragged everyone down into the brink of financial ruin. In theory and practice my sister and I could support the routine  maintenance of dialysis session, but regrettably not the unforeseen medical expenses, these combined with mom's hypochondriac paranoia, and emotional disorder are a deadly mix. Mom took advantage and exploited the fact that I was an OFW and that I had financial capabilities. She squander a lot of money on unnecessary medical expenses and thru hospitalization, instead of focusing only on dialysis session. Even the simplest of colds or difficulty breathing was reason enough for her to spend a few weeks on hospital confinement , even though she is medically fine as what the doctors tell at the hospital, Didn’t matter to her that she is using the hard earned money coming from me - all she cared about was recklessly spend.

 

Imagine the money that was thrown out just because of that and it was wrong of her to put the trust in a public hospital which never gave any medical treatment at all but charged us with 30,000 to 50,000 PHP per medical confinement.

 

For me as an OFW, I didn’t have the time to check what was going - nor even have the capacity to see what was actually happening, given that my situation as a sailor was very constricting to communications,. It took days before I received anything on the satellite email and days before they received anything, and the emails I had received barely describe on what is actually happening.

 

Eventually this Mom's imaginary illness , took its toll on the long run and eventually dragged me and my sister to financial trouble. The latest news now is that the dialysis clinic refused to help us until we settled first our bills (which amounted now close to 30,000 Php). Same thing goes as well on my younger sister's numerous friends, basically her debts are left and right and most of her "friends" avoid her because of it. I don’t have anything against with these people nor on the public hospitals dialysis clinic refusals to help us because those are bad debts , that needed to be addressed - otherwise it's not surprising that they won't help us at all. Regrettably Mom wasn’t wise in spending and resulted now in her being put on hold on from receiving medical treatment until it's settled. 

 

We couldn't use this so called PHIL Health medical insurance because last month's disastrous hospitalization, resulted in complete depletion of that insurance on reserved for at least for 6 months. She just used it all in one blow on the last hospitalization.      

 

There are days that I just simply wish to wanted to end and "fast forward" on to the next, however it only meant to be troubled again on the next day to replay the horror of starvation, A repetitive and looping nightmare. Most of the days (actually already a month now) , I just went to my pc and spend my time there and played games , hoping that the hours and days would simply be over soon. It worked for a couple of weeks as a diversion but then again video games is just a retreat from unpleasant realities through fantasy - never solved anything , just delayed problems.

 

Anyway it's all said and done. Despite my rambling on this writing , I have to face these and resolve in any way possible. All I can say is that my house is a mess right now.